There is so much theatre to see in London it can be difficult to narrow down the choice but there are some immediate turn-offs, for me, and these are 11 of them:

1. The poster has only men on it
2. The poster has men and women but the men are gurning in supposedly comic style and the women are looking exacerbated
3. Words 'urgent' and 'vital' are banded around.
4. Poetry is mentioned.
5. The running time is 3 hours plus.
6. It has two intervals.
7. Described as a family show.
8. It's a musical (obviously) or sounds like it might be a musically.
9. 'A new play by Tom Stoppard'.
10. Start time is 8pm or later.
11. Tony Kushner is involved (because it inevitably leads to no. 5)

What are your theatre turn-offs?