The enjoyable but flawed Haunted Child at the Royal Court
Theatre on TV and Radio December 26 - Jan 1

Dear Santa, please work your magic on London theatre in 2012

3054216668_39a3b3d5b5Hi Santa,

It's Christmas Eve and I know you are busy but fear not, I don't need any of this for tomorrow (the theatres are closed) but if you could sprinkle some of your magic over theatre-land I'd be most grateful.

I've been a very good theatre-goer his year. Have always remembered to turn my phone off, not eat noisey sweets or talk during the performance. 

Yours with much anticipation,

Rev Stan xxx

1. Ben Whishaw on stage. He's in the Evening Standard's 50 most influential theatre people list but he's been a bit tardy when it comes to stage work in fact 2009 was the last time he trod the boards in London. Believe he is free from March-ish. 

2. Royal Court membership administrators come down off planet theatre. Announcing the new season at 7am and putting the tickets on sale at 9am. Hello? People with real lives and jobs and busy friends to organise? Oh and while we are on the topic, emailing members that more tickets have gone on sale five hours after they've gone on sale...the reason for paying the annual membership is?

3. Richard Clothier back on stage because I'm a little bit in love with him.

4. Katie Mitchell remembers there is an audience watching or straining to watch and listen to her plays.

5. David Tennant back on stage but not a comedy as I don't think I could cope with the hysterically amused Dr Who fans again quite yet.

6. The front four rows of seats at the Lyttleton Theatre ripped out and burnt and replaced with three rows of comfortable and more thoughtfully positioned seats, preferably raked.

7. Benedict Cumberbatch back on stage as I'm worried he's going to forget about the thrill of live performance now that his TV and film career has gone stellar. (And I'm a little bit in love with him).

8. Ladies loos and lots of them, preferable with cubicles big enough to get yourself and a small handbag into, particularly at the Donmar.

9. And while you are at the Donmar, please help the production team get over their fear of stage blood. They can do rain and snow and fancy sets but when it comes to fake blood, someone there has a problem...

10. More day seats at the Theatre Royal Haymarket (nine is just downright stingy) and at the big West End theatres generally. A lot of us can't afford £60 and don't want to feel like we are watching The Borrowers.

Oh and if there is room in the sack then:

11. Old folk to be confined to mid-week matinees until they learn that age doesn't make it any less rude to comment on the play loudly with your companion during the performance.

Santa pic by Mike Fleming on Flickr